I don’t know what I want
Most clients will tell me exactly what they don’t want in their life. They will be perfectly clear and impressively specific about it. However when I ask them to describe what they do want, that’s when there's a pause. The answer they almost always give is “I don’t know”. This is a phrase that I used to say often as well. It seems like we are simply stating a fact, but many times we know what we want, it’s admitting it that scares us.
Usually, when we say “I don’t know”, there is a deeper root cause of why either we don’t know or won’t allow ourselves to say it. Here are some examples of root causes that started with “I don’t know what I want”.
“I want to start a business but that terrifies me.”
“I have lots of ideas for retirement but I’m scared my husband with cancer won’t be here for them.”
“I want to replace an employee but it’s hard to hire someone else.”
Even though these are scary things to say, it still feels better than “I don’t know”. “I don’t know” actually leads to more feelings of confusion, frustration, and hopelessness. If you find yourself saying this, other options that can lead you to more information are...
“I’m figuring out what I want.”
“I’m learning more about what I want.”
“I’m dreaming about options of what I could want.”
It can be scary to admit what you really want, but remember that you don’t have to take any action on it. You can say “I want this, but I’m not going to do anything about it yet. I’m going to choose to not take any action at all.”
It is much easier to tell yourself “I want this and it’s scary” than it is to tell yourself over and over “I don’t know what I want”. If you find yourself saying “I don’t know what I want”, here is a question that can open up a path to more clarity.
“In a perfect world, with no constraints on family, friends, time, money, etc. what would my life look like?”
