I just want to be happy

“I just want to be happy”

Usually, when someone says this, they are envisioning something external that will make them feel happy once it is achieved, obtained, changed, etc. I know this is how I often thought about my own pursuit of happiness in life.

Some of the phrases  I often hear from my clients are “I’ll be happy when I…

• get a new job

• lose the extra weight

• my spouse does something

Except how we feel is never about something outside of ourselves; it is entirely wrapped up in how we are thinking about it.

Here are some questions that will help uncover what you are thinking now.

• What will be different when I accomplish the goal? What will be the same?

• What will I be feeling?

• What will I be thinking after you accomplish it?

We never have to wait for something to change to feel better. We can choose to feel better at any time.

Most all of us have some version of this phrase constantly rolling around in our minds:

“When I have, do, or accomplish (fill in the blank), THEN I will feel better.

For example, "I will feel happy when I get the new job". Except it’s not actually the job that causes the happiness but our thoughts that change. We can make the choice to adjust our thoughts, such as instead thinking, “Today, this project I’m working on is moving me towards my dream job”.

This is another exercise I do with my clients. 

What are the top 3 feelings I want to feel today?

What are the thoughts that will cause me to feel these?

Right now, you can deliberately think about things that make you feel the way you want to feel.